Things That Ferment: Spruce Up Your Life!

Hey Folks. It’s me, checking back in. I’m sure that my misery tunes article was so captivating you thought to yourself: what’s next? Fear not. I know what I crave after a blue jam sesh: old, fermented and gunky things. One of the most googled things in 2016 was: do beans ferment? This statistic might not be credible but it sounds pretty good when I put it like that. And yes, dear reader! Beans do ferment. And they will ferment at your command. I don’t really care much about anything else that ferments: barley can kiss my keister. Wikihow provides a pretty good ferment-legumes-at-your-will article, but I think rewriting it will help all those that have really been craving some elderly smelly beans. And did you know? Fermented beans still have the same great tang as any old legume, but sans the farting! So feel free to consume these luxurious beans around your spouse, lover, or priest.

STEP ONE: PUT ON AN APRON

This part’s crucial, folks. Do you really want bean curd all over your birthday suit? And I know any of my fans already cook in the nude. So grab your nicest body doily and let the fermenting begin.

STEP TWO: WHAT’S NEXT?

I’m not totally sure.

STEP THREE:

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