How to Take the MTA

  1. Actually have your Metrocard ready before you swipe in instead of standing in front and blocking everyone’s way.
  2. When you walk up or down the stairs to the platform, always stay to your right. Why would you walk down in the middle of the staircase if thirty heads are coming up in your direction? It makes no sense.
  3. The train will not come any faster if you look down the tunnel.
  4. Do not stand directly in front of the train doors when the train arrives. You will get run over and no one will care.
  5. If you see that a lot of people are getting on the same train as you, move in. Just do it. Everyone’s gonna get cramped in there regardless; it’s New York.
  6. Congratulations, you found a seat. But don’t push the little boy and his grandma just to get it.
  7. Offer your seat to that grandma though. Or any pregnant lady or disabled person who gets on the train. Be a nice New Yorker.
  8. If you stand by the door, which you shouldn’t but you know what it’s inevitable, at least have the common decency to get out of the way so people can get off and on.
  9. Finally, don’t make a scene. We have enough of those.
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