This is somewhat of a personal topic and I don’t really know if this will be relatable, but hopefully it might appeal to at least one of you.
I found that I am constantly trying to find a reason for something. I believe in the famous and cliché phrase “Everything happens for a reason”, quite heavily actually, and this is because the phrase does in fact reveal a lot of truth. I always try to search for what things mean. I try to pick apart actions and I try to achieve a solution. Thoughts like “What does that mean?”,“What should I have done?” and many more fill my mind always. It seems like a battlefield in my mind; all these thoughts, ideas, conformations, opinions all being shot at me and me being completely vulnerable to it. We control our thoughts, but what happens when our own thoughts consume us? When they feed you all this information and making you overanalyze simple gestures. You eventually start to wonder about such small arbitrary things and that over analyzation makes you feel impeccably insane. I find myself continually trying to find a solution, an answer to something. Being a very logical person, there is this keen ability I possess that allows me to analyze everything and come up with a reasoning for it. But the problem with that mentality is that I often come up with multiple reasons for actions. There are two extremes for me and they differ between something extremely positive or something extremely negative. There is no in between, no common ground and that lowkey frightens me. I am never capable of thinking of a middle between those two extremes. This also relates to me being a realist with optimistic thoughts; there is always this tug and pull of my thoughts. Nothing is ever right and this eventually leads to reading a bunch of instagram text posts or tumblr posts that make me come up with a decision that leans closer to one side. A small reliance, but it shifts my opinion a bit to think a different way. I overthink so much and it’s quite crazy how many possibilities I can come up for things.